Ralph Lauren Talan Leather Chelsea Boots 👎👎👎

You know, it’s a right kick in the knickers when you go and splash out on a pair of posh boots, thinking you’re gonna be strutting around like David bloody Beckham, and instead they start falling to bits after only two outings. That’s exactly what happened to me with this pair of Ralph Lauren Talan Leather Chelsea Boots I foolishly spent my hard-earned dosh on.

I spotted ’em in John Lewis’s Black Friday Sale, marked down from £145 to a still not cheap £110. I figured, hey, they’re Ralph Lauren, they’ve gotta be quality, right? Wrong.

These boots, they ain’t half what they’re cracked up to be. I’m tellin’ you, they’re about as stylish as a pair of wellies. And the toe box, wide as a barn door, I tell ya! Makes ’em look like I’ve got two boats on me feet. No logo neither, how’s anyone to know I’ve splashed out on these if there ain’t no logo, eh?

But the real kicker is how quickly they’ve started to fall apart. After one wear, there were already scuff marks and scratches on the toes of one of the boots, and the second time out, the other boot joined the party. It’s like the leather’s made of butter, it’s that soft. Even just putting them on and taking them off has started to wear ’em down. At this rate, they’ll be fit for the bin before the month’s out.

I should have known better. I made the mistake of buying a Ralph Lauren polo shirt a while back, and it was also a total letdown. The colour was this nasty, turd-brown shade, and the quality was on par with something you’d find in Primark. The Ralph Lauren logo should’ve been a warning sign, not a badge of honour.

So, lesson learned. Next time I fancy a treat for my feet, I’m going straight to Dune. They may be cheaper, but I bet they’re better quality and more stylish than this Ralph Lauren nonsense. After all, I’d rather look good for a bargain price than pay through the nose for designer rubbish.